Friday, January 14, 2011

In Which Astrology Fails Hilariously

So in the wake of the earth-shattering and Twitter-amusing news that the zodiac signs have changed in the 3000 years since astrology was invented, I figured I'd muck around with in the astrological world and see what I could find.

Incidentally, I went from being a Libra to being a Virgo. So I went from being diplomatic and graceful (har) to being analytical and observant. Wasn't aware those were mutually exclusive. Also, it cracks me up that Virgo's first weakness is being "skeptical." I guess that's a bad thing to astrologers.

(There's a group of people I do pity right now - those who believe in this stuff and suddenly find themselves in Ophiuchius. Ever seen a reading for Ophiuchius? Me neither. Fun to say though.)

Anyway, I decided I'd check on the January lunar astrology calendar and see what I could find. Here's what it says about January 3, 2011:
All traditions agree that this is an inauspicious day.
Well, if "all traditions agree," it can't be wrong!

So let's see, what happened on January 3, 2011... I went to work, came home, went to dinner with friends... what else... oh yeah, and I successfully defended my thesis and officially became a PhD. You know, definitely in the top 5 as far as days of my life are concerned.

D'oh.

Well, maybe other horoscopes were closer. Let's see what the specific sign readings say. Here's Libra:
Fear and indecision will cause you to shut down. The New Year starts you at a crossroads and you do not know which way to go. Indecision, confusion, and uncertainty are all catchwords for you this week. Things will not change much, nothing exciting will come your way.
Strike two.

Ok, wait, my sign isn't Libra anymore because of the Great Sign Shift, so let's look at Virgo:
This will be a very upsetting week for you. Unfortunately, disaster may have caught up to you. Be very careful during this week, do not take any foolish chances. Folly, misfortune, catastrophe are all very significant words for your week.
Crash. And. Burn.

But don't worry, stars. Sure, you suck at predicting things... but you're still really pretty to look at.

(Of course, the blind mouse does sometimes find the cheese: here's a Libra horoscope for February 2008 that says "I feel you will enjoy this month especially if your looking for love or want to have a child." My daughter was born on the 28th of that month... though I must note, grammatical expertise is clearly not a required skill for astrologers.)

4 comments:

Love spells That Work immediately said...

Powerful Love spells That Work Immediately | Voodoo Magic love spells | Black magic love spells | Traditional healer in South Africa | Free Love spells and Binding Love spells that Work In 24 Hours To Bring back Lost Lover.. Lost Lover should Be Lost No More - Love spells That Work in 24 Hours | Love charms | Love portions and traditional Healer in Johannesburg call +27681786737 or email: professorkarim9@gmail.com | https://www.powerfulvoodoomagicspells.com/
LOVE CHARMS *Binding Your Lover To Love You Only
Attraction love spells in London, Attraction
love spells in London UK, black magic lost love, black magic lost love spells,
Cheaters, cheating, Divorce Love Spells, Divorce Spells, Effective Love Spell,
Effective love spells that work, effective marriage spells, Effective Sex Love
Spells, effective sex spell, Ex Lover, Gay Marriage Love Spells, lost love
spell, lost love spell caster, Lost Love Spells, lost love spells in Australia,
lost love spells in UK, lost love spells in USA, Lost Lover Working Love
Spells, Love Spell Caster, LOVE SPELLS, Love Spells In USA, MARRIAGE LOVE
SPELLS, Marriage love spells Paris, Marriage love spells Paris France, Most
effective love spells in Chicago USA, powerful attraction spells in Rome Italy,
POWERFUL LOVE SPELL, POWERFUL SPELLS, Real Love Spell, Spells to make someone
think of you, stop cheating, Voodoo Magic Love, Voodoo Magic Love spells,
Voodoo Marriage Love Spells, voodoo marriage spells*Bring Back Lost Lover Even
If Lost For A Long Time

*Do You Want Your Lover To Marry You?

*Do You Want To Stop A Divorce Or You Want A
Divorce?
* Black Magic Specialist

* Love spells CAster Specialist

* Voodoo Love spells Specialist

* Love Psychic Spells

* Love Charms

* Instant Love spells Work

* Powerful Voodoo Love spells Specialist

* Traditional Healer in Johannesburg *

* Love spells That Work Immediately **
* Men Use And Dump You?(Ladies) LUCKY CHARMS

*Lucky Charms For Financial Problems

*Do You Want To Win A Court Cases Or Tenders?

* Tarot Card Readings

* Love Astrologer

* Astrologer

* Psychic Readings

* Love Psychic Readings

* Get Married Spells

* Love Portions

* Online Psychic Readings

* Online Free Psychic Readings

** Love spells in New York **
*Looking For A Job & Promotion At Work?

*Win Serious Court Cases At Any Stage

*In Any Secret Deal FAMILY PROBLEMS

*Misunderstanding With Family Members & In
Laws

* Black Magic Expert

* Black Magic Cleansing

* Money spells That Work

* Money Spells That Work Fast


*Are You The Only Person Suffering In The
Family?

*You Failing To Get Babies (ladies & Men)

*Family Members Jealousy A Bout You?

*Love potions

Job Back? *Do You Have Problem With Your Call / Watsapp +27681786737 or email professorkarim9@gmail.com or visit |https://www.powerfulvoodoomagicspells.com/

Love spells That Work Fast said...

Love spells That work Fast | Powerful Voodoo Love spells of Magic In Usa https://www.powerfulvoodoomagicspells.com/

Spells for Love that work Immediately said...

Powerful Love spells That Work Immediately

Immediate Love spells said...

Immediate Love spells That Work .
Love spells that work Immediately to return Ex Lover | Fast Love spells That Work In San Francisco Usa, Love spells In Australia and Immediate Love spells In Chicago and South Africa Alike Call +27-68-178-6737
LOVE SPELLS THAT WORK IMMEDIATELY CONATCT US TODAY FOR MORE FAST SPELLS
Spells of love That Work Immediately to Bring back Lost Lover In Usa. Fast Spells of Love That Work Contact us Today to Return Your Ex Lover With Immediate Spells of Love That Work
This Is How I Defiantly Got back My ex Lover with The Aid Of immediate Love spells in Usa after a break up