Thursday, July 12, 2007

I'd Rather Have Greenmail, Thank You

Sometimes, you come upon a story so crazy that there really is no other reaction than laughter. The strange, sad saga of Miss New Jersey is one of them.

Apparently, the winner of the Miss New Jersey pageant (who, as a result, will be a Miss America contestant) was caught with some "racy photos." She has been blackmailed by some unknown crazy person. She has now revealed the photos. The Miss America folks are attempting to decide whether she should still be in the pageant.

The punchline: look at the photos. There is absolutely nothing "racy" about the photos. She's fully clothed in all of them. The worst thing that happens is that her boyfriend is goofily biting her boob (through her shirt) while she looks embarrassed. Seriously, you can see much more titillating stuff on Glenwood Avenue on a typical Saturday night.

If the Miss America folks think this is racy, they're insane. You know what would be racier than these pictures? Having her walk across a stage in a skimpy bikini while having millions of people stare at her. Oh, wait, that's PART OF THE FUCKING PAGEANT.


Mike said...

Hehe, you said titillating.

Seriously, though, the whole Miss America thing is ridiculously antiquated and they know it. It's almost like they have to cook up scandals to get anyone to pay attention.

Pierce said...

Can't the Miss America pageant be our one remaining stronghold of moral virtue and propriety? Can't we use it to, for once, highlight a single woman who still stands for patriotism and our core values of hairlessness below the scalp, pretend virginity, and No Fat Chicks? These are the important characteristics of a true Miss America, otherwise why would our founding fathers have defined them in the constitution?

In other news, the "bite" photo makes me recall Arrested Development. "He didn't just get to second base, he dove in head first, like Pete Rose."