Apologies to Matt for stealing his format.
Right now, I'm waiting for the "True Joe the Plumber Facts" Internet meme to start.
- Joe the Plumber has more electoral votes than the entire Mountain time zone.
- Candidates don't campaign in Ohio. They beg Joe the Plumber for mercy.
- Joe the Plumber is the one man, and he has the one vote.
- Palm Beach County won't design its ballots without first talking to Joe the Plumber.
And so on. (Go look up the Chuck Norris Facts if you have no idea what I'm talking about.)
Update: A few more I dropped in the comments here...
- Joe the Plumber is, in fact, registered to vote… three hundred times. Legally.
- Joe the Plumber survives on a diet of pure PVC.
- Joe the Plumber writes your state’s voter lists.
- Joe the Plumber rebuilt New Orleans’ levee system with only a single pipe fitting.
And some from Matt in the comments:
- Joe the Plumber has had his taxes increased and decreased 837 times in this election.
- When Joe the Plumber visits his friend he calls it "Hanging w/ Chad".
- Joe the Plumber breaks up clogs with a real live snake.
And from Ben:
- Joe the Plumber's Law: Any presidential candidate who tries to look like he's blue collar when he's not, inevitably looks incredibly silly and deserves mockery....from Joe the Plumber.
- Joe the Plumber's Corollary: Godwin and Murphy are sissies. When they wanted to make laws, they first had to ask Joe the Plumber.
I think we might have enough for a website now. Anyone got a domain name? Basic HTML skills? This needs to be started, people.
Apparently you have to go south of the Rio Grande in order to be qualified to be president. Unless you're a hot chick.
No one will ever discuss the real reason why our education system is lagging - our ridiculous culture that brands anyone who is good at math or science as a social outcast, and that calls anyone who uses a four-syllable word an "elitist." The CNN talking heads were going on about how Obama sounded professorial - and apparently that's a bad thing. Don't we want a president who sounds smart and in command?
Either no one understands the idea of the oil market, or the candidates think we're too damn dumb to understand it. You can't choose the origin of your oil, idiots. Prices are set by global supply and global demand. Deal with it.
Sarah Palin has a kid with Down's syndrome; therefore, she is an expert on special-needs education. In other news, I just made spaghetti, therefore I am Mario Batali. Oh, and at one point McCain conflated Down's syndrome and autism. Real expertise there, hotshot.
I think the most intelligent portion of all the debates was during the beginning of this last one, when the candidates discussed their plans to bail out homeowners who took out bad loans. McCain, as Matt pointed out, wants to help everyone with negative equity reset their mortgages so they don't owe more than their house's value. Obama countered, saying essentially that this plan comes dangerously close to rewarding banks for making those bad loans in the first place, and would end up being just a big old bank giveaway that wouldn't help anyone with their payments. This proposal is the only substantive thing coming out of the McCain campaign these days, and both candidates make good points. I lean towards agreement with Obama here - negative equity is a temporary phenomenon, after all, and by the time the loan is paid off the house will probably have a good deal of positive equity. If you want to stave off foreclosures, direct aid to struggling homeowners is a better way to go - though part of me thinks that if you made an investment and the value of that investment declines, that's not the government's problem.
Either way, no one addresses the cult of homeownership that's at the center of this whole boondoggle. But that's not a votegetter, I guess.
I got Bingo this time around. My prize: A yard sign for this guy.
I'm working on the rest of those election issue posts. I'll probably dump them all at once in a week or so.